


Don’t Tell the Babies

by oppositethelens



Category: ASTRO (Band), GOT7, NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), iKON (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 13:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oppositethelens/pseuds/oppositethelens
Summary: fatherjoon: so nobody has helped this poor kid?daddycoups: namjoon you didn’t tell jeongguk?fatherjoon: no the big kid gc decided it was funnier if we didn’thandad: that’s fair we haven’t told junhoebigtaeeomma: hanbin doesn’t one of your 97’s speak english?handad: yeah but he’s been cracking up all day so i doubt he’s going to helpjeommahan: okay, so nobody is going to help yugyeom at all?jeommahan: should we just make someone tell him? i mean aren’t we supposed to be the responsible ones?bigtaeeomma: no





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry for this.

_jessie_kimyg sent you a message._

 

    Yugyeom’s fingers twitched as he clicked on the notification. The username was obviously written in English, he recognized the name from a song he’d heard and his name. She must be a fan, and he didn’t see the harm in opening the message, at least. He could put it into Naver or ask BamBam what it meant if he didn’t know.

He decided it couldn’t hurt and opened the message. The picture he’d posted earlier popped up, with a message underneath.

 

_big long boi_

 

    Big long boi? What did that mean? And what did it have to do with his recent post? It sounded so dirty to him, flashbacks of a very unfortunate After School Club episode running through his mind. Could he even pronounce that? He sat in silence for a minute in his room, staring at his phone and trying to decide what he should do. When he tried to translate it he couldn’t understand. Yeah, he was tall- he guessed that’s what “big long” meant, but what was a _boi?_ Why did someone have to tell him that he was one, whatever it was? He could ask his hyungs and risk being ignored, or laughed at, or he could ask BamBam, whose English was much better than his own.

    He headed into the living room, deciding that BamBam was probably his best bet, and found him sitting on the couch watching a drama Yugyeom couldn’t understand. He cleared his throat to get BamBam’s attention, but when it became obvious that that wouldn’t work he pushed BamBam over and grabbed the remote under his leg, pausing his show.

    “Before you hit me-” he started, seeing BamBam’s raised hand and angered expression “I have a question for you.” BamBam slowly lowered his hand and cocked his head to the side to indicate that he was listening. “What does this mean?” Yugyeom unlocked his phone and handed it to his friend, who looked at the screen for a moment before looking back at him and losing his composure. His frown quickly turned into an open-mouth smile as laughter echoed around the room and his shoulders began to shake.

    _“Big long boi?”_ His voice rose again as he struggled to breathe, tears spilling out of his eyes. BamBam looked at Yugyeom critically, focusing mostly on the way his arms settled on top of his thighs, and what was in between them. He burst into another round of laughter, deep and guttural and Yugyeom just _knew_ he was thinking nasty thoughts. _“How you know I’m not big?”_ ran through Yugyeom’s mind over and over again and he sighed, remembering the lecture they had gotten from JYP after he saw the final cut of the episode. When Yugyeom had had enough of being laughed at he snatched his phone away, locking the screen and storming out of the room and down the hallway to Jackson’s room. As he opened the door, Jackson looked at him questioningly.

    “What’s so funny?” He asked, sitting up to make room on his bed and closing his laptop.

    “What does this mean, hyung?” Yugyeom asked, showing Jackson his phone. He wasn’t handing it over, that was his second mistake on this quest (the first was asking BamBam before his hyungs) and if Jackson was going to laugh at him or begin insinuating something dirty he could at least lock his phone and walk away. After a few seconds of thought, Jackson’s lips began to quirk up on the sides as he tried to hide his laughter. The resulting giggles made Yugyeom even more frustrated and, after smacking Jackson’s legs through the covers, he slammed the door shut behind him on his way to find Mark.

    “Mark hyung?” Silence. “Hyungie?” BamBam’s laughter rang through the dorm, followed by something about a pabo. “MARK TUAN!” A large thud echoed throughout the living room and Yugyeom’s life flashed before his eyes when he spotted his hyung glaring at him from the entrance of the dorm. He had just taken off his shoes and had his hands on his jacket, still holding it next to the hook by the door.

    “Mark hyung I swear I can-”

    “What do you want, Yugyeom?” If looks could kill, Yugyeom would be buried six feet under. For a split second he thought about calling his loved ones, just to tell them goodbye before his inevitable death at the hands of the eldest member. He should at least tell his mother what kind of flowers he’d like, and to not invite any of the members because they were all mean to him and all he wanted was their love! He tried to be nice to them, he really di-

      Mark’s fingers thumping against his forehead pulled him from his thoughts and he opened his phone and held it out with two fingers, attempting to keep his body as far away from Mark as possible.

    “What does this mean?” Yugyeom asked quietly, dropping his phone into Mark’s hand and taking three very large, very noticeable steps backward. Mark rolled his eyes before looking at the phone and bursting into laughter.

    “What is so funny?” Yugyeom whined, wrestling the phone away from his mocking hyung.

    _“Bi-big-”_ Mark’s laugh turned into a wheeze and he doubled over, placing his hands on his knees. _“Big long-”_ He took in a big breath and coughed, trying to control his lungs. His hands were held slightly apart, and his eyes wandered between his hands and Yugyeom’s body, first his arms and then his legs, then back to his stomach. _“BamBam! Did you read this?”_ He was shouting in English and Yugyeom couldn’t understand what he was saying, but he knew it was no good.

    _“Yeah! Should we tell him?”_

_“NO!”_ Jackson had walked into the living room when he heard not one but _two_ of the members laughing and he presumed it was at Yugyeom.

_“It’s so right, though. Did you notice why they said it?”_

_“His t-shirt tag.”_

_“It could easily be mistaken for an innuendo, the poor boy has no clue.”_

_“Why was he even wearing an extra lar-”_

     Before they could finish, Yugyeom stormed off into his room, locking the door behind him and throwing himself onto his bed with a sigh. _Well, that didn’t go as planned._ Now, instead of just being confused, he was confused and shy, trying to cover up every part of his body with his blanket and bunching it up near his stomach. It really couldn’t be that dirty, could it? There’s no way an ahgase could ever say anything dirty like that! His hyungs were just messing with him, right?

     He could text someone else who knew English, but what if they laughed at him too? Maybe he should ask someone else to ask one of their members, someone he knew wouldn’t laugh at his expense. He supposed Namjoon wouldn’t laugh at him, or Vernon, maybe. He could just text the 97 line group chat, and the others could ask their members…

     He sighed again as he opened the group chat and began typing, wording his text carefully to avoid further embarrassment.

 

**getbitches420vapelords**

_chickenyellow: hey guys what does this mean?_

_chickenyellow: *sent a screenshot*_

     He waited anxiously, trying not to let his nervous stomach and heavy limbs scare him into turning off his phone and leaving the group chat forever. Surely his friends were all laughing at him, showing their hyungs and their other members and next time he stepped out of this door, Yugyeom would be the biggest joke of the industry. He could see all the headlines now: “Got7’s maknae Kim Yugyeom, 21 years old, is such a baby he doesn’t understand dirty jokes.” All his hyungs would do interviews, mocking him and telling everyone about the times he’s accidentally said really dirty things and got all blushy and embarrassed when they told him what those things meant.

       After five minutes of staring at the ceiling so hard he saw spots, he felt his phone vibrate against his stomach.

 

**getbitches420vapelords**

_gukkie: wtf is a_ big long boi

_jaebae: is that even english?_

_8: german maybe?_

_mingoo: probably not german, minghao_

_8: hey i’m trying_

_8: korean was hard enough_

_#winning: i’m pretty sure it’s english?_

_chickenyellow: nobody knows what it means?_

_gukkie: nope_

_donkeykong: sorry dude_

_8: no idea man_

_mingoo: negative_

_#winning: wish i did_

 

**the superior 97’s**

_thesmartermaknae: don’t tell them_

_dingy: agreed_

_jeffrey: not a chance_

_buttmin: no way this is hilarious_

_thesmartermaknae: wow that took less convincing than i thought_

_thesmartermaknae: we’ve convinced him it’s something really dirty_

_thesmartermaknae: he’s been lying in his room silently for like ten minutes and when he left the living room earlier he was blushing_

_jeffrey: the other english speakers agree_

_jeffrey: apparently winwin pissed off ten_

_dingy: i’m the only one who would know it’s not like junhoe can ask someone else_

_buttmin: lol i’m just bored and feeling chaotic today_

 

**getbitches420vapelords**

_chickenyellow: we have to figure it out somehow_

_gukkie: i could ask namjoon hyung?_

_chickenyellow: could you guys ask your members? please?_

_8: two minutes_

_#winning: hold on_

_mingoo: ig_

_donkeykong: hol’ up_

_jaebae: uhhhh i’ll try_

 

**the big boys**

_taeHUNG: okay who broke the baby?_

_chimchiminy: ???_

_sunnyboy: someone broke guk?_

_eomma: did someone change his overwatch password again?_

_eomma: why is that still my chat name?_

_yongobongo: *changed eomma to house elf*_

_house elf: glad you’re not dead, yoongi_

_house elf: *changed house elf to eomma*_

_eomma: i’d rather be a mother than a fucking elf, thank you voldemort_

_sunnyboy: nice burn, hyung_

_taeHUNG: seriously could someone tell me what happened to guk?_

_taeHUNG: i can’t tell if he’s crying or laughing or both_

_taeHUNG: he keeps whispering to himself and it’s scaring me_

_taeHUNG: i think he’s trying to read english?_

_daddyjoon: he asked me what_ ‘big long boi’ _meant_

_eomma: where did he even hear that?_

_daddyjoon: apparently the 97 line chat is trying to figure it out for yugyeom_

_daddyjoon: someone sent it to him on instagram bc he was wearing an xl shirt_

_daddyjoon: i’m betting its bc hes so tall he has to buy big shirts to cover his arms_

_daddyjoon: i would know from experience_

_sunnyboy: why didn’t yugyeom just ask one of his members?_

_daddyjoon: he did, apparently he’s locked in his room bc they were laughing at him_

_chimchiminy: they do know some of the kids in that chat speak english right_

_daddyjoon: i guess they’re not telling him?_

_eomma: what should we do?_

_yongobongo: we don’t tell him anything obviously_

_taeHUNG: i still don’t know what it means so_

_daddyjoon: i mean, it basically means that he’s got long limbs that he has to cover_

_daddyjoon: big long boy, like a tall guy?_

_sunnyboy: makes sense, he’s a fucking giant_

_eomma: hoseok! language!_

_sunnyboy: hyung, you just said fuck!_

_daddyjoon: hobi listen to jin_

_yongobongo: yeah hobi, listen to your fucking elders_

_sunnyboy: jin!_

_eomma: ...yes?_

_sunnyboy: so i can’t say fuck but grumpy hyung can?_

_chimchiminy: are you gonna try to tell yoongi hyung he can’t say something?_

_yongobongo: i dare you._

_taeHUNG: listen to our parents hobi_

_sunnyboy: i di D n t D O a Ny thIN g_

_eomma: HOSEOK STOP SCREAMING FUCK I CAN HEAR YOU FROM MY ROOM_

_sunnyboy: that’s not me_

_yongobongo: pretty sure its the maknae_

_chimchiminy: i can confirm that its guk_

_chimchiminy: he walked into the living room on facetime with yugyeom trying to piece together their english knowledge to figure out three words and hit his knee on the table_

_eomma: i told you that table was a bad height with the children running around, joon_

_daddyjoon: jin they’re almost grown how was i supposed to know they would never look where they’re going?_

_yongobongo: i hate to interrupt your marital domestic bullshit, but the maknae is still crying about his knee and he’s about to get the smack down if someone doesn’t come collect him from in front of my door_

_eomma: marital?_

_daddyjoon: domestic?_

_chimchiminy: aw, they even text in sync!_

_sunnyboy: really??? okay i give up_

_sunnyboy: nothing in this house is fair and the system is rigged_

_taeHUNG: oh my god yugyeom is literally screaming over their call bc he’s so frustrated this is hilarious_

_yongobongo: seriously, you have two seconds_

_eomma: yoongi if you touch my baby i swear to god_

_taeHUNG: i got him chill yoongi_

_yongobongo: you swear to god what, hyung? you gonna beat me with your slipper or something?_

_sunnyboy: ooF yoongi is finally in trouble? have the scales of justice finally been tipped toward me, jung hoseok, on this fine wednesday afternoon?_

_yongobongo: oh yeah, im so scared of sweet eomma jin. what, are you gonna take away my dinner this week?_

_daddyjoon: why did i just hear a door slam?_

_daddyjoon: jin?_

_daddyjoon: why did jin disappear from his room?_

_yongobongo: why is someone running in the hall?_

_chimchiminy: yoongi you might wanna hide_

_yongobongo: jimin i’m not gonna play hide and seek with you again brat_

_chimchiminy: don’t say i didn’t warn you grandpa_

_yongobongo: why is jin standing in my doorway with a slipper?_

_taeHUNG: damn i heard that smack from guk’s room and it’s soundproof in here_

_sunnyboy: everyone else can hear yoongi hyung and jin hyung screaming about namjin, right?_

_daddyjoon: unfortunately_

 

**getbitches420vapelords**

_gukkie: namjoon hyung won’t tell me_

_gukkie: and i’m being dragged around the dorm_

_gukkie: jin hyung is threatening somebody?_

_dingdong: gee man idk_

_jaebae: lol we can’t help you man_

_chickenyellow: why not?_

_#winning: bc i pissed off ten hyung_

_chickenyellow: and?_

_jaebae: none of them will help us_

_#winning: they just speak in english in front of us and laugh bc we don’t understand_

_chickenyellow: okay, eunie?_

_eunwhoo?: dude idk my hyungs are pretty busy sorry man_

_donkeykong: vernon and joshua are laughing at us_

_mingoo: :////////////_

_8: we didn’t even do anything this time_

_chickenyellow: so nobody can figure it out?_

_bambamhereiam: sorry dude mark hyung swore me to secrecy_

 

**the ‘rents**

_bigtaeeomma: did ur sons start asking stupid questions today and spouting innuendos_

_jineomma: jeongguk’s been screaming for the last half hour_

_daddycoups: vernon and joshua have been laughing at the 97’s for like three hours and speaking in english? seungkwan keeps trying to speak with them but then he gets laughed at too so he just sulks by the 97’s_

_fatherjoon: *sigh* the 97’s_

_fatherjoon: what are they on about now_

_handad: donghyuk was laughing earlier too…_

_fatherjoon: kook was asking me about english earlier_

_jeommahan: what is going on i’m tired of hearing vernon and joshua get threatened_

_daddycoups: why are they still getting threatened? mingyu already threatened them once normally that works_

_jinappa: we may have an explanation for that_

_eommawoo: so in the 97 line chat, yugyeom said that someone sent him something on instagram_

_eommawoo: it said something in english and he couldn’t figure out what it was, so he asked his hyungs_

_jjparentsbetterhalf: to be fair, he didn’t ask us all_

_imappa: he only asked bambam, mark, and jackson_

_jjparentsbetterhalf: and we will never claim to be responsible for anything those three do_

_eommawoo: so when his hyungs made him think it was dirty and didn’t help, he turned to the 97 line_

_eommawoo: wanted us to ask our members, see if any of them could give us answers_

_eommawoo: except i think he forgot a bunch of us speak english_

_eommawoo: so in our own gc we decided we just weren’t going to tell him_

_imappa: that’s actually pretty funny_

_bigtaeeomma: according to ten none of my kids will tell the 97’s bc they want to see them suffer???_

_bigtaeeomma: apparently someone pissed off mark today_

_bigtaeeomma: probably winwin_

_fatherjoon: so nobody has helped this poor kid?_

_daddycoups: namjoon you didn’t tell jeongguk?_

_fatherjoon: no the big kid gc decided it was funnier if we didn’t_

_handad: that’s fair we haven’t told junhoe_

_bigtaeeomma: hanbin doesn’t one of your 97’s speak english?_

_handad: yeah but he’s been cracking up all day so i doubt he’s going to help_

_jeommahan: okay, so nobody is going to help yugyeom at all?_

_jeommahan: should we just make someone tell him? i mean aren’t we supposed to be the responsible ones?_

_bigtaeeomma: no_

_fatherjoon: no_

_jineomma: no_

_jinappa: no_

_imappa: no_

_jjparentsbetterhalf: no_

_handad: no_

_eommawoo: no_

_daddycoups: no_

_jeommahan: really cheol back me up here_

_daddycoups: sorry hannie but this is hilarious_

_jeommahan: you’re all ridiculous_

_jeommahan: i bet he doesn’t make it to the end of the day before he breaks down and asks the girl what she meant_

_jjparentsbetterhalf: i’ll take that bet_

_imappa: me too_

_fatherjoon: against your own baby?_

_jjparentsbetterhalf: i don’t know if you’ve ever seen us in the same room but he’s not exactly my favorite child_

 

**getbitches420vapelords**

_chickenyellow: well shit_

_chickenyellow: i’ll just message the girl back and ask her to explain ig_

_bambamhereiam: no wait!_

_eunwhoo?: dude no!_

_dingdong: uhhhhhhh probably shouldn’t_

_chickenyellow: ??? why not ???_

_dingdong: what if she like… lies and says something it doesn’t mean?_

_eunwhoo?: she’ll probably lie lol_

_mingoo: do it yolo_

_gukkie: yeah yoLO_

_jaebae: you guys are stupid_

_#winning: be like a nike shoe_

_#winning: and just do it_

_donkeykong: i mean she must like you or she wouldn’t have your name in her username_

_8: you’ll probably be fine just ask_

_chickenyellow: okay i will_

 

**jessie_kimyg**

_[yu_gyeom’s post]_

big long boi

what is a big long boi?

uhm lol hi?

hello

what is a big long boi?

i do not know a lot of english

is it dirty? my hyungs made it sound dirty

please explain

lol i know silly

i love your music!

thank you

no thank you for responding to me

and no it’s not dirty lol

a big long boi is you

bc you’re wearing an xl shirt

but you’re tiny

so i figured you had to buy it too big bc you’re so tall

yanno, to cover your arms?

aka big long boi

what is a boi

a... boi?

its a boy

you’re a boy

okay thank you

i hope you will always love our music!

i love you!

i love you too!

omg


	2. Bonus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (;

     “Hey,  _ big long boi _ .” Yoongi smirked, watching Namjoon’s face crumple. Namjoon had been in such a good mood, too. He made the mistake of responding to this stupid nickname once over a  _ week  _ ago, and now when the members were angry they would use it against him. Yoongi and Jimin, however, used it whenever they pleased, exaggerating the height difference between the two of them and the leader. 

     “What’s up  _ big long boi _ ?” Jimin giggled behind his hands, hidden in Yoongi’s side on the couch while a movie played in the background.

     “It’s hyung to you, Jimin.” Namjoon snapped, setting down his bags by the front door. 

     “Oh you’re right, sorry, let me try again: What’s up,  _ big long boi  _ hyung?” Jimin giggled again, burying his face in Yoongi’s chest. 

     “Shut up,  _ tiny small boy _ .” Namjoon grumbled, kicking off his shoes and picking up a slide to throw at Jimin’s ass, which was conveniently facing him. 

     “Wha-?” 

     “Shh! Don’t give him the advantage! Just look it up.” 

     “I don’t think I can spell that!” 

     “I’ll do it then.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, taken Jimin’s already loaded translation page out of his hands. Jimin stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry, effectively soaking Yoongi’s chest in spit. After a few seconds of silence, Namjoon was walking toward the kitchen, ready for a victory snack or some of Jin’s leftovers. 

     “HEY!” Yoongi yelled. Namjoon could hear Jimin yelping and began to close the fridge slowly, backing toward his room with his eyes on both of the kitchen doors. “YOU ARE SO DEAD NAMJOON!” Namjoon decided that this was his cue to leave, and sprinted into his room, barely turning the lock before Yoongi could start turning the knob and pushing against the door. 


End file.
